The other day, I was chatting with Charlie at supper, like you do. We’re catching up on our day, what happened at work, all that. I was telling him about running into Claudia Peavey down to the A&P.
I’ve told you about Claudia and her husband Kurt before. Charlie and me refer to them as the “Yeah, but’s.” Meaning, don’t matter what you say to them, they’ll “yeah, but” you.
For example, I say, “Hi, Claudia. Beautiful day out there, isn’t it?”
And Claudia replies, “Yeah, but, it’s supposed to rain tomorrow.” You know the drill.
So Charlie says to me, “What’s up with Claudia’s eyebrows?”
Charlie asks me questions like this all the time. Like, we’ll be in a store and he goes, “What’s going on with that sales woman’s neck?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, look at her, Ida. Her face is smooth, but her neck and hands are all wrinkly.”
“Shhh! She must of had a facelift, but couldn’t afford the whole kit and caboodle. Maybe she’s saving up for the neck. You’re right, though. Kinda weird looking, huh?”
Or we’ll be watching the tube and Charlie goes, “Look at her. No matter what that woman says, her face don’t move. What’s up with that?”
“Botox.”
“Huh?”
“Botox. That’s where the gal has injections of poison to paralyze the muscles in her face.”
“Why?”
“To get rid of wrinkles.”
“Seriously?”
“Yup, and it costs an arm and a leg, too.”
“Those folks in California have more money than sense.”
“I have to agree with you there, Charlie.”
So, back to the eyebrow situation.
Charlie asks, “What’s up with Claudia’s eyebrows?”
“She pencils them in. But she’s kinda heavy-handed, and the shape isn’t quite right.”
“I’ll say. It look’s like she drew on a couple of chubby caterpillars. And she’s not the only one either. I’ve seen other gals do that, too. Why?”
“Well, sometimes they over plucked their eyebrows when they were younger. Or could be that as we age the eyebrows thin out. I don’t know for sure. I give my brows a little help.”
“You do? I don’t see it.”
“That’s because I know the rules: make brushy strokes, and always use a brow pencil one shade lighter than your hair.”
Charlie looks at me hard, “Your hair’s blonde, but your brows are brown.”
“I know. I’m a freak of nature.”
“Or maybe it has something to do with Patsy down to Hair Affair.”
“Charlie, as we’ve discussed before, what happens at Hair Affair…”
“Stays at Hair Affair.”
“Right. Anyhoo, my brows may be dark brown, but I use a light brown pencil.”
That’s when Charlie goes full Claudia on me. “Yeah, but why pencil ‘em in at all?”
“Because the brows act like a picture frame for your eyes.”
“Hard to argue with that. Well, sweetheart, you do a good job, but in my humble opinion, for some gals it’s more of a problem than a solution.”
Amen.
That’s it for now. Catch you on the flip side!
For more on the “Yeah, but’s,” check out this past blog post.
Hear Ida Tell It: Eyebrows & Other Mysteries of the Face
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